As I roam the long and crowded street of the bustling New York metropolis, my pants begin to vibrate, and I whip out ‘ol pinky. I’m not the only one reaching for his sacred pink, for bros the world over…
So, let’s rap. I work hard and a nice cup of Lemonade Cookie Frappuccino is all I want. But now the holiday cup is only red, and I’m okay with that. Really, I am. I’m completely fine with it. Although…
It takes a real man to admit when his time in bed is not everything he thought it would be, but it takes a bigger man to admit that it’s not his fault. Whenever the mood was just right, meaning…
Dear Stony Brook Students: It takes two to make a relationship work, but it takes only one to end it. I’ve been patient, understanding and a little bit too compromising, but it’s over. My meltdown over the first few…
As I choked on my first bite of a Snickers bar and looked around for someone to help me inside the Psych A building, I realized I was going to die alone. Even though I managed to perform the Heimlich…
It’s common knowledge that Stony Brook University houses most of its artists in Tabler Quad, but what people do not realize is that the university forces the artists there to paint and play symphonies dedicated to President Samuel L. Stanley…
By the ending of his lecture at the Sydney Opera House in Australia, Stephen Hawking reassured fans all over the world that there exists an alternate universe where Zayn Malik is still a member of One Direction. Hawking is a…
Everyone at Stony Brook University held their breaths as they watched University President Samuel L. Stanley Jr., pull down his pants on the monitors throughout the campus. President Stanley, who often speaks of the fact that he gets seasonal influenza…
The game of kings is upon us as the FIDE World Team Championship 2015 will commence on April 18, and chess will be the only thing on the world’s mind. 10 nations will go in, but only one will come…