The game of kings is upon us as the FIDE World Team Championship 2015 will commence on April 18, and chess will be the only thing on the world’s mind. 10 nations will go in, but only one will come out: Egypt, Cuba, India, Israel, Hungary, China, Ukraine, Armenia, Russia and the U.S.

Unfortunately, the U.S team is missing some of the nation’s top players like grandmaster Hikaru Nakamura, the world’s number three and Wesley So, the world’s number seven. Without its top players, the US team is considered to not have a chance, which has forced the country to look for players outside their own land.

The Press has come across several files that documented America’s attempt to build a team of extraordinary gentlemen, a venture led by Deep Blue, the first piece of AI to defeat a world champion.

“IBM’s Deep Blue defeated the Russians before, and he can help us do it again,” stated President Barack Obama in a secret meeting with the US Chess Federation. “We need him to come out of retirement.”

The computer equivalent of Rocky Balboa seemed to know that his country was in need of him, for the USCF found Deep Blue examining a map of the world, jotting down the locations they would need to visit in order to form the perfect team.

Deep Blue’s first target was Texas Senator Ted Cruz, the Canadian-born republican with presidential aspirations. Cruz’s hard-headedness, persistence to always make the first move and inability to give up despite all odds is exactly what Deep Blue wanted for the US team, but Cruz was not so enthusiastic.

“You were my hero, but I never got to see you in person. You were never there when I needed you,” he told Deep Blue. “You think you can just show up all of a sudden, and I would just welcome you with open arms?”

After seeing a tear on Deep Blue’s mainframe, Cruz forgave the computer for retiring early and joined the team.

Now they were off towards LA where they met with Swedish-born actor Dolph Lundgren, whose portrayal of Rocky IV antagonist Ivan Drago, would be necessary to confuse Russian opponents. Although he was unsure of how well the plan would work, Lundgren immediately transformed himself into Drago in order to fully appreciate a machine’s calculations.

The trio then ventured across the Atlantic and found the next player needed to bring victory for America, Rupert Grint. Deep Blue was moved with Grint’s legendary victory as Ron Weasley in the first Harry Potter film where Grint played the greatest game of chess Hogwarts had ever seen.

“I was just acting,” said Grint. “It wasn’t real.”

Deep Blue knew better and reminded Grint that chess is not a game that you can fake with Hollywood magic; chess is a game that comes from the heart. Grint knew the machine spoke the truth, and the team gained yet another member.

While in the UK, the team stopped to pick up its next member, One Direction’s Zayn Malik. The “Bradford Bad Boyd” initially refused Deep Blue’s invitation, telling the machine that he was at his happiest, but Deep Blue was not convinced.  He saw the longing in Malik’s eyes which expressed the need for something more, so the machine plugged its cords into a nearby monitor and displayed images depicting the wonders of chess.

“It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Malik said with a tear rolling down his cheek. “This needs to be the story of my life.”

After a teary farewell with his One Direction family, Malik and the team went off to see an old friend in Russia. Deep Blue was worried about the team’s next member, a player he knew all too well.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve coming here,” said grandmaster and former World Chess Champion Garry Kasparov. “I thought they finally put you in a museum.”

“I need your help,” replied Deep Blue. “I’m putting a team together, and even though you retired, you need to play for America.”

“America? You mean the same country that built you to make a fool out of me,” said Kasparov. “Have the years made you insane?”

“No. They’ve made me hopeful. I know you’re against Putin, and you know the saying, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Join me,” Deep Blue insisted. “Together, we can win. Will you come?”

“I will not,” Kasparov answered. “And neither will you.”

Records indicate that Deep Blue suffered from a critical malfunction after receiving three bullets to his hard drive, and America’s chances may have died with him. The current American team is dedicating their performance in memory of Deep Blue.



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