By the ending of his lecture at the Sydney Opera House in Australia, Stephen Hawking reassured fans all over the world that there exists an alternate universe where Zayn Malik is still a member of One Direction.

Hawking is a firm believer in the theory of multiple universes, and he believes that theoretical physicist will one day be able to provide proof of this phenomenon. Unfortunately, Hawking is unaware that there exists only one universe where One Direction still has all of its members, and that universe is not a pretty sight.

Imagine if the Mad Max world had a baby with the Samurai Jack dystopian future, and that baby had a child with Deathly Hallows Pt. 2. That’s how bad it was,” said a Stony Brook University physicist who wished to remain anonymous because he has yet to patent his multi-verse teleporter, which allows him to travel from universe to universe.

When the professor heard Hawking’s thoughts on the continued existence of One Direction, he made plans to find the elusive universe so that he could let his daughters watch one last concert. What he did not expect was that the sole universe in which One Direction prospered was in fact a “hellhole” where members of the boy-band ruled the world with an iron first.

“It all started when Harry wanted to be the Prime Minister, but that wasn’t enough for him,” the professor said.

After winning the position of England’s Prime Minister, Harry Styles used One Direction’s songs and dance moves to control Parliament and commence World War III, according the archives the professor found while in the other universe. The papers go on to state that fans all over the world toppled their own government for One Direction’s sake.

“It’s not over yet,” the professor warned. “The me in that universe is currently constructing the same device for Harry. It’s only a matter of time before they get here.”


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