Recently, the great minds at WatchMojo.com uncovered that celebrities will often come back from being canceled, and they collected these moments in a top 10 video. The metrics used to rank these canceled celebrities have yet to be revealed. This reporting has led many to ask the question: is cancel culture real?
The Press gained exclusive access to security footage from the kitchen, revealing the extent of Ramsay’s displeasure at the state of Stony Brook’s food. “These tater tots are greasier than Wolfie’s neutered — fucking — bollocks!” he yelled, tossing a fryer backwards into the air and causing grease and potato pellets to rain down on staff.
“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing,” said Special Agent Rick McDocFinder, in an exclusive interview with The Press. “We’ve got a real epidemic brewing here. These classified documents are presidential kryptonite.”
I saw him from a distance. His beautiful face and physique drew me to him instantly. I could only describe it as godlike. I felt unworthy to be in his presence. His piercing eyes and height intimidated me, but his smile was warm and endearing.
Many viewers of the Queen’s parade-like funeral may have missed that her coffin was actually lined with lead, and speculated to have weighed anywhere between 500 and 600 pounds. This curious detail is even more intriguing when considering recent reported tectonic activity emanating from Buckingham Palace in the weeks following the funeral.
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Today, we are announcing that The Press will stop printing our magazines for the foreseeable future. This doesn’t mean that our work is over. In fact, we will be moving to the forefront of new media.
The Stony Brook Press does not encourage anyone to do anything listed below.