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Evan Goldaper

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Look, I’m going to be completely honest with you here: I’m not exactly the most impartial critic when it comes to the Muppets. For instance, I can say with complete confidence that I know more about Muppets Tonight supporting character Big Mean Carl than I do about my neighbors, and that’s not about to change anytime soon. So look, just seeing said monster on screens again (not to mention Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, and the other characters even you’ve heard of) is practically enough for me to end the review here and say “Muppets Most Wanted wins ten stars. Go buy eighteen tickets and a Gonzo t-shirt.” But I’ve been writing reviews for long enough to know that’s not how you’re supposed to do things, and Stony Brook Press editor Jodie Mann said that I could make this review as long as I want, so here we go. Muppets Most Wanted…

Although his arrival wasn’t officially connected to Stony Brook’s Earthstock festival, scientist and television personality Bill Nye was the perfect speaker to end the campus’s week of environmental education. On April 19, 2013, the USG Lecture Series presented a talk from Nye that centered on using scientific reasoning to solve the world’s problems, including those related to global warming. The former host of PBS’s Bill Nye the Science Guy and current executive director of the Planetary Society, Nye is no stranger to explaining scientific concepts to the masses. At this lecture, he encouraged the audience to aim for “big picture thinking” while using fewer resources. Inspired by such ideas as Richard Smalley’s discovery of buckyballs and the invention of liquid metal batteries, Nye discussed a variety of ways that science should be applied to improve society as a whole. “You could give up, and you could run around screaming,” said…

It was a night of comedy with Daily Show alums John Oliver and Wyatt Cenac in the Staller Center on March 11, 2013. Although the Stony Brook USG hosted show had to be rescheduled from its original date of February 11 on account of a blizzard, the theater was still full of excited students. Indeed, Cenac, a comedian from Dallas who wrote and performed on The Daily Show from 2008 until 2012, and Oliver, a British immigrant who has been writing and performing for The Daily Show since 2006, were highly anticipated by the enthusiastic crowd. “I can’t wait for this,” said freshman Jannelle Patrick. While Patrick occasionally attends other USG events, she stressed that this was one she “couldn’t miss.” Similarly, freshman Nikolai Hersfeldt said that it wasn’t typical for him to attend these sort of events, but he added that he was glad that “Oliver [would] come and…

The University So a few weeks ago, I gave The University a try. Although it was everything it claimed to be, the ingredients ultimately came together in a way that I found to be largely unappealing, and I was left confused and frustrated. And the sandwich wasn’t good either. Maybe it’s because I don’t like Swiss cheese, but I suspect it’s something more. I was kind of hoping that with the arrival of a signature sandwich menu, the Union would finally learn what barbecue sauce was. Then the sandwich is topped off with essentially two pieces of onion and the same greasy chicken I’ve been eating for four years. And that’s The University: it’s exactly what it needs to be, but it’s not going to make you especially happy. And the sandwich isn’t great either. The Final Exam “Final Exam” is a pretty apt name for this sandwich. Much like its…

Oh, hello, Stony Brook students! My name is Mr. Marion Moseby. You may remember me from the hit documentary series The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, which authentically chronicled my affairs as the manager of the luxurious Tipton Hotel during the years from 2005 to 2008. If you recall, I was always extremely busy trying to keep Zack and Cody from demolishing my hotel, and though they have since moved on to college, I am still subject to similar antics from a new set of guests. Knowing that, you may wonder why I set aside valuable time to write for your juvenile and lackluster undergraduate news magazine. But what I am about to say is so imperative to your future successes that I must say it now, and wherever I can. I am here to warn you, Stony Brook. I have heard that a new Hilton Garden Inn has…

Recently, I was given the chance to live on The Earth, a planet directed by the Illuminati, starring Ghengis Khan, Mother Theresa, a thrill-seeking Eurypterus remipes, Henrik Ibsen and your neighbor’s cousin and featuring an original score by esteemed composers like Franz Liszt, a sparrow and They Might Be Giants. Living on the planet Earth has been a long experience, but inside sources have told me that it should be over pretty soon, so I’m convinced that I can give you a fairly thorough review. Firstly, remember the movie Wall-E? Many people found the opening of that movie creative, but a little dull given its lack of dialogue. Unfortunately, the beginning of Earth was even more boring. I wouldn’t think anyone would want to wait 4 billion years just to see animals that are visible to the naked eye, but that’s what I had to do. Frothy ooze, volcanoes and…

Rest easy, Stony Brook students: our school has all the upvotes it could ever need. Yup, Stony Brook might not be in the headlines, but on Nov. 27, it hit the front page of Reddit, placing SBU in the company of knowledgeable mallards, adorable kittens and whatever social justice issue we’re getting irked about today. Except it wasn’t a story posted by Stony Brook that made it to the main page; in fact it wasn’t a post at all. Instead, a comment made by Redditor Shakakka99 mentioned Stony Brook, and the original post made it to the front page. Not quite the same, but Stony Brook, like every other low-self-esteem Internet user, will take whatever it can get. So what was the question? Was it “What is the most awesome state university you’ve ever attended?” Was it “What schools have mascots that are lovable and energetic?” Nope and nope. Congrats…

Ladies and gentlemen of the Rebel Alliance, you’ve probably heard by now that on Oct. 30, 2012, The Walt Disney Company bought Lucasfilm Ltd. for $4.05 billion in stocks and cash. Yes, the Mouse that Roared is now the proud owner of such beloved properties as Labyrinth, Monkey Island and Howard the Duck. Oh, and a little movie franchise called Indiana Jones and an even smaller series called Star Wars. It’s time we faced facts: George Lucas’ projects are now owned by Disney, and unless your Internet forum can generate a couple billion dollars, that’s not going to change. If you’re a little like my suitemate, you might be panicking now. That’s an understandable reaction. Maybe you didn’t run around my suite swearing your head off and slamming doors, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you were a little apprehensive. After all, Disney is the company that makes Snow White…