My old drug dealer seriously hooked it up. He always had a stash on deck, and his herb was fire. It was so devastating for me when he got snitched on. I had to find a new connect.

It isn’t too hard to find a dealer on campus, but one that’s reliable is a needle in our collegiate haystack. And it’s really stressful. My boys and I are all tryna burn, and no one in any of our contact lists has a solid source.

But fortunately for me, my boy heard about this guy who works the drive thru at McDonald’s. His alias is “The McG.” He has a strict protocol on how business goes down, but that’s fine. You have to use the drive thru, and you order one “McDub” for each gram you’re tryna cop. He mixes up the packaging so his boss doesn’t catch on, but he’ll usually use an apple pie container or the paper packaging for a small fry.

But the most important policy The McG stands by is paying with Wolfie Wallet, the campus-ministered prepaid debit account. It’s convenient that Wolfie Wallet is offered as a payment option at McDonald’s, but more importantly I’m no longer troubled with the burden of always carrying around cash when I pick up, as I had to do with my last dealer.

Wolfie Wallet is operated through the Faculty Student Association at Stony Brook University, and they’re all about more money flowing through the system. “Why would we screw over McG?” an employee in the association’s marketing department said. “His tree is mad stank, yo.”

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