Summer is just around the corner and that means millions of people will need an excuse to stay indoors with air conditioning for two hours. Thankfully, cinemas are still open (for now) and will be chock full of new movies for the public to soak up. We took a look at the ones we think will trend on FaceTwitGram or something


  • Mad Max: Fury Road (May 15)


      • 36 years after the first installment, the angry Aussie is back for a new generation. Original writer/director George Miller helms this reboot with Tom Hardy taking over the title role. This time around, Max must team up with a mysterious woman named Furiosa (Charlize Theron) to evade crazy killers in tricked out cars that would make the Fast and Furious cars leak oil.
      • Yes, Fury Road is another addition to the reboot/remake/franchise canon. Yes, it follows “The Hunger Games,” “Divergent” and “The Maze Runner” in post-apocalyptic survival hooha. Here’s the thing, “Fury Road” looks and feels different. No hunting with arrows in forests, but death machines exploding in the desert. No teen love triangles, just renegade guys and gals cruisin’ for a bruisin’. And someone like Charlize Theron with a name like Furiosa doesn’t seem likely to moody stale faces and more to just general ass-kicking. Plus, Tom Hardy’s here, and that man could make an ethics thesis sound intense. WHAT A LOVELY DAY!! (


  • Ant-Man (July 17)


      • Marvel will pretty much swallow cinemas whole when “Avengers: Age of Ultron” hits theatres in early May. So how do they plan to follow up what’ll most likely be the biggest movie of the year? With Brian Fantana from “Anchorman” shrinking to the size of a bug and stealing stuff……only Marvel. The latest comic-book adaptation tells the story of Dr. Hank Pym (Michael Douglas), whose groundbreaking research is being snatched up by government sleaze Darren Cross (Corey Stoll). Pym’s plan? Recruit droll thief Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) to suit up, shrink down and steal back Dr. Pym’s research.


  • “Ant-Man” has been in the news lately for its former crew members, specifically writer/director Edgar Wright, (“Shaun of the Dead,” “Hot Fuzz,” “The World’s End”) who left the film due to creative differences despite having “Avengers” writer/director Joss Whedon call Wright’s original screenplay “the best script that Marvel had ever had.” It may seem odd to see Paul Rudd as a superhero, and “Ant-Man” isn’t exactly Marvel’s hottest commodity. Then again, Marvel made a talking raccoon and a giant tree megastars on-screen, so it’s hard not to be  interested. (
  • Fantastic Four (August 7)


      • When people talk about good superhero movies, the 2005 “Fantastic Four” and its 2007 sequel “Rise of the Silver Surfer” are probably nowhere in the conversation. But since superhero movies are all the rage, Marvel’s First Family is getting another shot at the cinema. This time around, Reed Richards (Miles Teller), Sue Storm (Kate Mara), Johnny Storm (Michael B. Jordan) and Ben Grimm (Jamie Bell) are teleported to an alternate universe. When they return, they discover they have new abilities and must adapt to their new lives while trying to save the world.
      • What makes this new “Fantastic Four” so intriguing is its entire setup. Under the direction of Josh Trank (“Chronicle”), “Fantastic Four” looks more like straight up science-fiction a la Ridley Scott than costumed crusader escapades. Fingers crossed for no Reed Richards-stretching dance scenes. (


  • Jurassic World (June 12)


    • Last year, the world experienced the return of the King of Monsters (“Godzilla”) and giant robot dinosaurs (“Transformers: Age of Extinction”). Seems like dinosaurs are creeping back into movie theatres, so it’s time to take another trip to Isla Nubar. The legendary island is now a fully-functional theme park filled with attractions from millions of years ago. However, attendance has been lacking as of late (because people these days are apparently more attached to Instagram feeds than FREAKING DINOSAURS), so one of the park’s executives (Bryce Dallas Howard) decides to genetically manufacture a totally new dinosaur. This doesn’t seem too logical to raptor trainer Owen Grady (Chris Pratt), but his suggestion falls on deaf ears. Unfortunately, the new dinosaur escapes containment and starts wreaking havoc.
    • 22 years after “Jurassic Park” helped bring CGI to the masses, “Jurassic World” hopes to bring it all back for dinosaurs. After many years of giant robots fighting and superhero origin stories, it might be a nice change of pace just to see dinosaurs trying to kill each other. Diversity, am I right? (


  • Inside Out
    • Disney and Pixar team up once again to deliver “Inside Out”, a new animated feature that serves to introduce audiences to the little voices inside their heads. The film follows adorable personified emotions within people’s minds that guide them through everyday lives, particularly the emotions of one girl named Riley, who’s settling into her new San Francisco home.
    • Disney/Pixar, in welcome tradition, have put forth a film of vibrancy and originality. A bright and colorful cast (headlined mostly by NBC comedy veterans like Amy Poehler and Bill Hader of SNL fame and Phyllis Smith and Mindy Kaling from “The Office”) bring to life delightful fairy-like characters that, despite their singular emotional alignments, explode with personality. As a humorous-looking introspective piece, “Inside Out” looks to reach out to all ages and give everyone’s little inner voices voices of their own.


  • Magic Mike XXL
    • Continuing this summer of sequels, Magic Mike returns in all of his shirtless, buff, dance-heavy glory with a larger package. In “Magic Mike XXL,” Mike and his merry band of sexy male strippers go on a road trip to Myrtle Beach for a stripping convention.
    • That’s pretty much it so far. With the film still two months away, there’s still room to generate hype. Although at this point, it’s safe to say that this soft-core porno will have plenty of slick dancing and skins vs. skins action that people would expect (perhaps even crave) from a movie like “Magic Mike”.
  • Pitch Perfect 2
    • The Barden Bellas are warming up their vocal chords once again. In the sequel to the 2012 hit, Beca Mitchell and her acappella companions return to the competitive scene in an international singing competition that no American group has ever won.
    • So far, this sequel looks to take plenty of cues from the first, from a group acapella reprise of Anna Kendrick’s famous “Cups” song to Rebel Wilson-driven antics. It’ll be interesting to see if this movie works with the same successful formula (with hopefully similar results) or if it’ll be ambitious enough to try something new.
  • Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation
    • Ethan Hunt and his team are back in the fifth installment of “Mission Impossible.” In what could be their most dangerous assignment, the agents face off against the Syndicate, a rogue organization trained specifically to destroy the IMF, the very agency Hunt works for.
    • Like a fine wine, the “Mission Impossible” films seem to inexplicably get better with age. With nary a dull moment, the trailer alone is packed with slick action and daring stunts that would entice any moviegoer. To follow up an awesome predecessor like “Ghost Protocol” is a rather tall order, but one wouldn’t try without thinking they could succeed. From the looks of it, “Rogue Nation” stands a chance of doing so.


Terminator: Genisys :

As Judgement Day approaches ever closer, with all of humanity happily wearing Skynet incorporated smart watches, it seems like some powerful god-king named Arnold Schwarzenegger has decided to spit in our faces and star in another “Terminator” movie.

Why not? With all the shit Schwarzenegger’s been going through, he needs your money a lot more than you do.

A terminator has been sent back in time to kill Sarah Connor, but it’s different this time. Really, it’s different. In a befuddling tale of alternate timelines and cliched one-liners, Connor races against the clock to stop Judgement Day from happening. Does she succeed?

Nah, probably not.


Paper Towns:

If “Garden State” impregnated “500 Days of Summer,” that movie might be as cheesy as Paper Towns.

“Paper Towns” is a movie based on a book by John Green (of hat wearing fame). It is the story of a guy who falls in love with the girl next door. The girl ignores him until she needs a car. They buy a lot of fish together, the girl then disappears and the guy goes on a road-trip with his friends to find her.

The characters in the movie spend a lot of time talking about how everything lacks substance and no one’s really real anymore, how their town is a paper town, but the writers refuse to hold that standard up to themselves.

This is probably to prevent some sort of overload in their brains since they obviously can’t handle writing anything with actual weight or gravitas. Why bother writing an original story or interesting characters when you can chuck out a book or a screenplay in a weekend and go to sleep on piles of money?


Ted 2:

Mark Wahlberg is covered in semen, a teddy bear has sex with a human being and Seth MacFarlane will abuse your nostalgia for cheap ‘laughs.’

Remember “Ted”? That movie with the “Flash Gordon” reference? Well, it’s got a sequel and it’s zanier than ever.

Ted’s trying to be legally recognized as a real person because he wants a baby or something. I’m betting things will turn out okay, but they’re going to need another problem for the third movie that’s inevitably going to be released. Maybe Ted can go to space.

Watch it if you want to, don’t if you don’t. I don’t care anymore.


Comments are closed.