Last semester we spent our free days – and nights – with that special someone. Maybe it was a boyfriend or girlfriend, maybe it was your friend with benefits or strictly that random hookup you only saw once or twice.
But winter break rolled around and the conversations, Snapchats and text messages faded as we celebrated the holidays at home with our families.
But now, the long awaited and highly anticipated return to campus is here and we must deal with seeing those people you once made out with as you walk to Starbucks on your break.
We are here to tell your ex’s what NOT to do when they see you walking through the crowds of people. Ladies and gentlemen, here are some tips on what not to say to someone you once hooked up with because, let’s face it, you’re just going to piss them off.
- Do not high five them, like ever. As Drake said, “I pity the fool who high fives in 2014.” Now that it’s 2015 there is an added weight of NO.
- “Wow, you look… different.” What does that even mean? Do I look better or worse? If I look better now, how did I look when you last saw me? Self-esteem, meet toilet: flush.
- The bro hug. Is it a greeting or a heimlich maneuver?
- A fist bump. My fist wasn’t what you wanted to bump last time we met.
- Do not call them hot or sexy, especially if you never returned their phone calls during break. Clearly wasn’t hot enough for school break contact.
- Do not ask them to spot you five dollars. Or meal swipes. Or Wolfie Wallet. Actually, don’t ask for anything.
- “Hey, how are you? How was break?” “Good, wanna come to my dorm for a little bit and, uh, catch up.” Code: damn, I forgot how much I liked you.
Ladies and gents, it’s totally okay to walk away. Especially if you’ve been following your New Year’s resolution to go to the gym and do squats. You know you look better walking away in more ways than one.
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