By The Cupcake Kid
Welcome to your daily dose of reality. Today we are going to take a look at this year’s Oscars and I hope to piss off a great deal of people.
First and foremost, let us get one thing out in the open. Hollywood is run by “the chosen people,” and all you have to do to win one of those golden statues of a naked guy holding a sword is make a movie concerning one of these topics, The Holocaust, mental handicaps or this year’s prevalent topic, homosexuality. I, as well as many others, feel that Mickey Rourke was the most deserving of the Best Actor award, but was undercut by Sean Penn for his role in Milk, playing the part of Harvey Milk, the first openly gay politician.
On top of this, Dustin Lance Black won Best Original Screenplay for Milk and again beat out much more deserving nominees, Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon and Pete Docter, for their work in WALL-E. Black is an openly gay young man who delivered a heartwarming speech about how everyone deserves equal rights, which I absolutely loved and agreed with, but his win was unjustified.
It’s as simple as this: the Jews at the top love gays (especially with the recent Prop. 8 in California to ban gay marriage). It is this reason that Black won and also why Sean Penn won – so he can get his loud mouth in front of a microphone to preach.
By the way, he literally reinforces my point by calling the Academy a “bunch of commie, homo-loving sons of guns.” Thank you for making my job easier, you douche. But don’t worry kids! The Academy was not completely biased this year. Spielzeugland (Toyland), a short film on – you guessed it, the Holocaust – won an Oscar for Best Live Action Short Film.
Oh, how about Slumdog huh? You can call me a conspiracy theorist all you want, but the only reason why this won Best Picture is that it is the first Indian film ever to be nominated in the category. With this in mind, didn’t something earlier this year happen where a candidate was the first of his kind and won? I want to thank the Academy personally for keeping the trend going.
Let’s go back to the guys at the top for a moment, shall we? So out of the top five grossing films of 2008, three of them were superhero movies, and I guess grossing just about one billion dollars worldwide just doesn’t mean what it used to, does it? Not only did T.D.K. get the shaft for Best Picture, but you’re going to tell me that making a young guy who looked really old deserves the win over Hellboy 2 for Best Makeup? Are you freakin’ kidding me?
Not to mention Benjamin Button’s beating out Iron Man for Visual Effects and Slumdog getting Best Sound Mixing over T.D.K. (and Wall-E)?
This reminds me of this one time about 363 days ago when The Bourne Ultimatum beat Transformers for sound editing and mixing, because I guess synthesizing a robot’s alien language is just not that impressive. Someone should point these old-fashioned fools towards the back lots of the newly opened Marvel Studios and Warner Bros. Studios to show them just how serious these films should be taken. Just because it came from a comic book does not mean it does not deserve respect.
Overall, the two major points I took away from this year’s Academy Awards is “The musical is back,” and Ben Stiller can actually be funny every now and then.
This was your daily dose of reality, and I hope it hurt when it hit you in the face.
