Brought to you this week by the Association for the Improvement of Student Well-being

× You hear the echoes of a sports commentator reverberating through the trees. Your quad is on the opposite side of campus from the stadium. There is no game scheduled tonight.

× In your biology class, your professor casually mentions that the pathogen you’re discussing was once thought to be propagated by terrorists. The class laughs it off. The professor continues the lecture, but one of your classmates leans in and whispers he knows for a fact the terrorist theory is true. You’re not sure what to say, so you pretend you didn’t hear.

× You receive an email from a blocked address. The subject reads “Campus Housing Error”. There is no body.

× “Will you join cat hair felting club?” reads the freshest fliers on the Javits cork board. You’re not sure if you can answer the question.

× Walking through the stacks, you marvel at the sheer volume of unread books. You continue walking. You realize you are lost. The library is about to close.

× You hear the cheers of the football stadium no matter how far you stray. You stand on the train tracks and the bushes whisper “what’s a seawolf?”

× Your key was in your hand just a second qgo. You put it in your pocket, but when you go to retrieve it, its gone. It’s as if the dorm doesn’t want you to leave.

× You wake up early to go to East Side for breakfast. The only other people you see on your way are a group of athletes that sprint past, almost trampling you. They’re running, desperately, as if there’s something behind them. You quicken your pace.

× Your best friend talks about transferring nearly every day, but makes absolutely no effort to begin that process.

× Approaching the back door to your dorm, you step over a cigarette butt on the stoop. There is always a cigarette butt on the stoop. You don’t know if it is the same cigarette butt, but the ash always looks fresh. One day you approach the back door to your dorm, and the cigarette butt is gone. You stop using the back door.

× The football team is running laps again. As they pass by you, all you notice is the dead look in their eyes. They are here on scholarships. They are not allowed to leave.

× You watch as your friends check bikes out of the bike station by the SAC loop. You try in vain, but the bike station wont accept your ID card. Your friends ride away.

×× You hear the voice of god. It sounds like the football commentator. ××

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