College is a wonderland full of opportunity, adventure and new people to piss off. What better way to start this new chapter in your life than by aggravating your roommate!

1. Assume the room is yours!

If they wanted personal space they would’ve paid for a single, right? So just assume that no part of the room is off limits! Borders and boundaries are for amateurs, so just plop your things wherever you see fit (ignore the stickers; they’re purely decorative).

2. Give your roommate a warm welcoming!

What better way to help your roommate relieve stress after a long day of classes than with a warm welcome into the room? Be sure to blast the loudest songs you have and sing along! Your roommate should be able to feel the love, and the bass, from the hallway.

3. Assume they have no friends!

College is tough and not everyone is a social butterfly. Give your roommate an easy way to make friends by constantly inviting people over, preferably ten or more. This gives your roomie a variety of people to talk to. If you’re not sure how to go about inviting people just yell ‘PARTY IN MY ROOM!’ at Staller steps and you should draw a decent crowd back.

4. Sharing is caring!

Since grade school we’ve been taught to share with others and this rule holds true in college. Sharing a room means sharing everything inside it, like food. Feel free to rummage through your roommate’s snacks, but most definitely don’t let them eat all of your food, because that’s crossing a line. Pro tip: if you see leftover food in the fridge, ALWAYS EAT IT FIRST, especially if it’s not yours.

5. Copycat.

Mimicking and copying is considered the most sincere form of flattery, so try copying your roommate’s behavior. This may take a few days of close observation but it’s definitely worth it. Be sure to dress almost identical to them as well! If you can’t find an exact wardrobe match, just take their clothes!

6. Club meetings.

There are so many wonderful opportunities that come with joining a club in college, but meetings can be a hassle. An easy and convenient way for you to get involved is by offering your dorm room as a weekly meeting space! You can offer participants your roommate’s snacks and you and your roomie will never be lonely!

7. Chores.

Sharing a room with someone comes with a lot of responsibilities and it’s best to discuss those responsibilities up front with your roommate. Create a chore chart for you and your roommate to follow every week. The great thing about being the one to make the actual chart is that you’ll have first dibs on the easiest chores. Make sure you give your roomie chores like ‘empty garbage, vacuum room, wash our clothes,’ that way you can do chores like ‘fluff pillows’ and ‘make sure Netflix is still working.’ Pro tip: If your roommate complains about being bored, throw cheerios (or your cereal of choice) on the floor for them to vacuum! They’ll appreciate the extra activity.
College is filled with tons of new people to impress and it can stressful. The best way to minimize that stress is not to try to impress your roommate at all! In fact, the lower their expectations are, the better. College is tough, and your room is the one place you should be able to let loose and not care.

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