Sexual Assault Awareness Week, or SAAW, is coming up fast, and that means talking about sexual assault and consent. Consent is the difference between sex and rape or assault. The goal here is to make sure all partners are happy and safe every time it’s sexy time. However, how to get from meeting someone to talking about what is or isn’t ok in the bedroom/bathroom/whichever place you like to bone is not always clear for some people. Sexual scripting is a way to understand sexual encounters as social interactions, they are learned behaviors. For a lot of people, sexual scripting goes something like:
Person A makes a move on Person B, and keeps going further until Person B says “no”… or doesn’t.
It works, sort of. The problem with this model is that it isn’t based on real communication, and it isn’t the best way to have sex.
Asking questions leads to better sex. Consider this scenario:
Person A wants to have sex with Person B, so Person A puts their arm around B, leans in, and kisses them. B is… ok with this. But then A goes to grab B’s breast. B is not feeling it. B would rather have their ass grabbed, since they’re breasts a re a bit sore that day. But since A doesn’t ask, A just grabs, B only winces and decides they aren’t in the mood anymore. Everyone goes back to their dorm sad and alone. Instead, try this version:
A slides up to B and says “Hey, you look really cute right now, can I kiss you?” B agrees, smooching happens. Then A leans in and whispers in B’s ear “I want to grab your tits right now, how does that sound?” B responds, “Well actually I would much rather you grab my ass. Also, I have a latex allergy, but I have some condoms in the drawer next to the bed”. Booty grabbing and condom usage all around and both A and B are satisfied and happy. Sounds better, right?
Communication is key. Active consent is what’s best for everyone.
If you want to learn more about consent culture, sexual scripting and sexual assault, keep an eye out for the Sexual Assault Awareness Week events coming soon. Also, if you see something or something happens to you, contact the campus police at (631) 632-3333
Have more questions about sex, consent culture or relationships? email me at firstname.lastname@example.org