Holy shit, I’m old and angry. You have no fucking idea. What? Cooney what? Shut the fuck up, Jeremy, I don’t want any ice cream. Fuck. Lemme tell you young shitdicks something.

For those of you who have followed The Stony Brook Press for any length of time, you know that our relationship with University President Shirley Strum Kenny has always centered on our role as the main student critics of her policies. We’ve never been what you’d call ‘chummy’ with her.

Now, seven years after the September 11 attacks, the Bush administration continues to salt the wounds of affected Americans. Morbid opportunism marks the occasion. Many liberal blogs spit fire regarding the disaster profiteering this administration has pursued, but few outline the events in a clear and concise way that enables people with less time (and quite frankly, less interest) to understand…

With the economy in the shape it’s in, the dollar doesn’t buy much anymore. At press time, a buck fifty is worth around one Euro, and gas keeps going up. Airlines keep slapping new charges on flights, charging more for checked bags and carry-on luggage and raising the fees for food, drink, and pillows.

Today, I am going to tell you about a devilish little device I stumbled upon a few months ago. I had been keeping it a secret, but I finally feel I have found an audience trustworthy enough with which to share its secrets.

At the end of every season I make a mixtape on cassette consisting of my favorite songs at the time. It’s an audio diary of sorts: I take 120 minutes of music and chronicle three months of my life. These songs that I put on tape help me remember stand-out people, places, events, habits, and experiences in my life. I’ve been doing this since middle school and haven’t stopped since.

Hey! Guess what. Give up? Okay, we’ll tell you. Every semester you pay around ninety dollars in Student Activity Fees. We say “around ninety dollars” because, in truth, the amount is usually raised a little every semester.

The administration’s up to their usual shenanigans again! In a recent email to a select few faculty and students, Barbara Chernow, Vice President for Facilities and Services, announced new changes to parking on campus, effective August 18.

The average salary for a white male emerging from college with a four-year degree is the same as it was three decades ago. Adjusted for inflation, wages have remained stagnant over the past three decades while costs of nearly everything else have risen exponentially, forcing those with four-year degrees to emerge from college holding an average of $20,000 in debt.