“CORONAVIRUS IN THE AIR, ADMINISTRATION DOESN’T CARE!”
As students gathered outside the administration building to protest the near radio silence about the school’s response to the COVID-19 outbreak, the tension was palpable. Police stood, barricading the front door. A number of students appeared ready to charge. But right before they were about to clash, Rick Gatteau appeared in a flash of smoke in the center of the fountain.
“TREMBLE BEFORE ME, MORTALS, AS YOU ENJOY YOUR CAMPUS LIFETIME. I AM THE SPIRIT OF THE FOUNTAIN AND I WILL GRANT YOU ONE WISH.”
“I want a refund on my housing for the rest of the semester!”
“I want my dining dollars back!”
“Fine! We just want to know what’s happening with the school!”
“THE ONE WHO SERVES ABOVE ME WILL HAVE BOTH INFORMATION AND PRISON HAND SANITIZER FOR THOSE WHO ARE PATIENT. NOW REMAIN SIX FEET FROM EACH OTHER AND BEGONE!”
And with that, Rick disappeared back into the ethereal plane from where update emails are sent to the entire campus.