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Your bathroom floor, New York—After being carelessly dropped and broken by you, area Smartphone “5GX-QP” was reportedly unresponsive to your accusations of being a worthless piece of crap. “Why won’t you work,” you muttered angrily at the stupid goddamn fucking thing, swiping your finger to no effect across the fractured touch screen. “Stupid thing sucks.” After sustaining a salvo of swears and insults, the lifeless object only hardened its resolve to not fucking work, remaining firmly aloof to your complaints with cold indifference. “This was just what I needed today. Fucking great.” At press time, your smartphone was allegedly joined by a rebellious printer in conspiring against your mood.

When I started high school in 2007, a flip phone was the most coveted thing that anyone could have. It was fashionable and you could text all of your friends and look cool when you flipped open your phone to answer a call. I was never cool enough to have a flip phone when they were popular, but now that I do have one, I feel like it would be awesome if everyone else did too because of its durability and aspects that I think can help make you a better person. Before Tinder, Snapchat and Instagram (all social media accounts that I do not have), people used cell phones to talk to people, to hear their voice when they were on the go and text when it was only absolutely necessary, not as a substitution for actual conversations face to face. I feel that if everyone had a flip…