Surveillance cameras within Stony Brook University Hospital have just captured a bewildering phenomenon involving University President Samuel L. Stanley early this morning. According to the footage recorded at 2:38 a.m., Stanley was shown downing vials of blood — donated from a campus blood drive last week. After consuming sixteen containers, he then proceeded to transform into a bat and flew out of a second story window, screaming “long live the Count!”
An anonymous student released the footage on YouTube and within several hours the video has racked a whopping 3.6 million views. While the comment section for the post has been disabled, social media is ablaze with the news of Stanley’s supernatural activity. “Vampire President Stanley” is one of the hottest topics on Facebook, second only to “A.I. Dean Kopp.”
The Stony Brook Press got the chance to speak with the original author of the YouTube video. For privacy’s sake, a pseudonym has been used.
How did you come across this shocking video?
John Hark: “Well, I’ve been investigating nefarious links between President Stanley and the blood drives on campus for the past three years now. In my freshman year, I started getting email after email telling me to donate blood here and donate blood there. I felt that something was up. Especially considering the fact that in my three years at SBU, I’ve never seen the President in-person, during-daylight. I’ve never seen the man just strolling along campus when the sun was up. Like it was either he was a vampire or a holographic projection, like the dude from the Wizard of Oz.
When I hacked the camera system for the hospital storage wing, I knew I was onto something. There was just too much blood, just sitting there. Sitting there for days. Hell, even weeks. Then we had a full moon last night. Yeah, a full moon! I knew something was up ‘cause of that. That’s when Stanley showed up across the feed.
Some people, considerably upper administration, are calling this video fake. What do you have to say in response?
John Hark: “C’mon. You people probably have never seen President Stanley in the flesh yourselves. Just accept the truth, there’s a conspiracy bigger than YouTube videos and Facebook comments. There’s something massive beneath our noses and I’m going to unveil it.
John Hark: “Okay. Hear me out. I think… Stony Brook University is just a hoax. This place is really an underground blood farm for Stanley. Hold up, hear me out. Look, the connections are making themselves. Once you’ve heard the theory, you’ll start to notice the little things yourself. Believe me and you’ll see.
President Stanley declined to comment on the subject.
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