“We’re In!”

After a debate that has raged since 1867, Alaskan colonial governor (now just regular governor) Bill Walker announced on the steps of the state’s historic log house capitol building on Feb. 24 that the territory of Alaska is finally and officially a state, encapsulating the rush of sentiment in those two simple words. The announcement was followed up by a small amount of cheers, but many smiled widely and stared back.

Alaskan citizens who attended the announcement said the governor’s eyes were bloodshot and after those two words, all the words he could seem to announce without laughing, he stared into the distance giggling.

The governor’s press secretary related it to the governor’s exuberance. In the back of the press room of the capitol building, a thick white smoke leaked from the door behind the podium.

Former Alaskan colonial governor Sarah Palin told ABC News: “We’re a state? Oh golly, don’t let the preesident know. He’ll get t’eir Obama Ca’are on those pour Alaskans.”

It seems the Alaskan people have a strange way of celebrating, as the announcement of statehood was proceeded with a giant wave of marijuana sales and use. Strangely, arrests went down 99 percent with the remaining 1 percent arrested for illegal moose shooting. At this time most shots seemed to have missed, according to local police.

Anchorage resident Chris Roberts could not hide his glee—or his bong. “Man, I shoot ‘em dead. Dem Moose don’t know what hit him. Hit?” he reaches for the bong and holds it up. “Hit?”

A strange mist hangs over Alaska. Officials at the Environmental Protection Agency are warning Alaskan citizens to stay inside, fearing potential air pollution from local oil refineries. Most Alaskan citizens are simply relating it to general elation.


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