Every year when the weather gets warmer, students swarm to the Staller Steps to enjoy the sun and relax. But brace yourselves Seawolves, not everyone is out there to enjoy the sun.
Some are trying to establish a social hierarchy.
There are different cliques on campus: The countless number of commuter students who are more or less miserable because they have to drive or take the LIRR to class every week, the gamers, the jocks, city kids, Asians, Asian fobs, general fobs, and anyone else who fits the category of “all of the above.”
According to some students, you’re “cool” depending on where you sit. Did y’all know that the top step is where it’s at? Let me explain. Cue Gretchen Weiner: “You can’t sit with us!”
“I was sitting with some of my friends at the bottom step once and my friend texted me saying, what are you doing at the bottom step? Come to the top” says junior Emtiaz Uddin. If you’re not at the top step, or blatantly drinking booze, you’re basically a Meg Griffin.
Let us bow down to the students at the Top Step! This is high school after all. “Sometimes it makes me sad that I’m not cool enough to play shirtless on Staller Steps,” says Stony Brook Press staff member Chris Priore.
What’s the point of the hierarchy though? Can’t we all just sit wherever we want without worrying about being judged!? No worries however, I’m sure once we all graduate, the “Top Step” practice won’t apply. I think it’s actually an even better idea to put that on a resume. Under Experience: Sat on the top steps of Staller in front of my library,
Sorry to crush your hopes and dreams, but just sit at the top step because you feel like it, not because you think you’re cool. And if you think you’re cool because you sit there, you’re a Rhonda from Hey Arnold! She talks about how cool and popular she is, but she doesn’t add anything to the show.

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