Knicks were losing pretty badly for a while—so badly that they were reduced to starting the Asian American team chemist from Harvard; like when you run out of all your preferred boxer briefs and are forced to wear your saggy real-cool-guy-they-used-to-be-red-but-now-are-kind-of-faded-maroonish boxers that ride up in your pants like you’re in eighth grade. Crypt-keeper Amare Stoudemire was out with a broken hip, probably, and Carmelo Anthony had to fly out to Tibet to study the ancient art of passing (he still hasn’t returned).

It turned out that the Knicks played well in their old boxers. Jeremy Lin provided more ball movement; he helped the team breathe. He knows the game like you know those boxers. His play is creative, even if the headlines aren’t.

After the Knicks made a splash in the free agent market, we must ask: is JR Smith a boxer kind of guy? Now, I’m not a man of speculation, but I know the eyebrow threader who touched up the brows of the girl that served oatmeal at the continental breakfast in the hotel JR stayed at in Canada who is friends with the bellman who saw JR stroll through with shopping bags from Hugo Boss, a company that definitely sells briefs. The bellman didn’t get a really good look, but my friend said that he said they were either socks or briefs. Therefore, Smith wears briefs.

I will denounce this acquisition even after watching Smith come off the bench to drop 15 points in 30 minutes of play. He’s a bad-tempered, selfish player who has a notoriously Terrell Owensian ego while sharing Carmelo’s displeasure for sharing the rock. Also, this pick-up comes in the middle of a Lin gelling process. They had played like a bunch of portly, middle-aged dads from the YMCA for most of the season. Lin’s energy and passing prowess had the Knicks playing like a real, live basketball team and Smith can be the real fly in the proverbial potato salad.

That being said, we could use the depth in the small forward position. Bill Walker is a lousy backup. The only thing that amazes me more than his poor play is his Boyz II Men hairstyle choices.

I shudder to think of the day when Melo, Amare and Smith are on the same floor together. There aren’t enough basketballs in the world to run that offense. The trade is essentially undoing everything that Lin had brought together with his chemistry, math and book things. We could have had it all, rolling in the deep.


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