Now, I don’t mean to call out any of the current staffers.  I absolutely respect the time and effort you put into writing and editing the paper (trust me I know), but bring back the fun.  Push the boundaries.  Write things that get you border line sued.  If not for yourselves, at least do it to pay respect to the staffers that came before you.  Pay homage to the road we paved for you; the road that was layered with dirty condoms, explicit lesbian sex stories, and Beerfests.  Do it because you can still do it.  Trust me; once you graduate you won’t be able too.  If you do decide to go to law school, grad school, med school, or any other “professional” institution you will be forced to write dry articles.  You will no longer be able to write anything inappropriate.  Seriously, push the envelope while you still can.  Bring back the inappropriateness of The Press we all grew to know and love.  Put the dildo back on the wall.

Signed,

Ilyssa Fuchs

Press Alum, 2007

Life sometimes feels like a riDdle.  It is true that with every step we take, it is always one step closer to the grave.  We have no way to truly go back in timE and defy our own death.  Maybe I have been going about this situation in the wrong manner.  Let me start with a question.  Why have you decided to leave the phrase “Death Egg Zone” off of the back cover of the Press?

I am an advocate for trAdition on this campus.  Stony Brook University is a young school and I believe that we must try to hold onto as many traditions as possible.  WithouT history, how will we know where we came from?  It is the past that we use to define ourselves.  Traditions from the past give us that small glimpse into the inner workings of why we do wHat we do.

Do you know the story bEhind the printing of the phrase “Death Egg Zone” onto the back of the Press?  I wish that I could come up with an elaborate story involving the eating of “sandwiches” and playinG hours of Sonic 2 in the basement of the Union.  The Death Egg Zone is the last board in the beloved Sega Genesis game Sonic 2.  Maybe past editors found it ironic that this phrase was found on the last page.  It was a signature endinG each issue of the Press.

Whatever the true buZz behind the phrase, it is a true Stony Brook Tradition.  It is at least over five years old.  The oldest Stony Brook traditional event is Only 25 years old.  That means that the phrase at hand is at least a fifth of the age of such a highly regarded traditional event.  I always hope to returN to Stony Brook as an alumnus and expErience a traditional issue of the Press like it was meant to be; with a happy ending.

Love,

Concerned

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You again!? Get off our lawn.

The Press

I just read the article “Zebra Path: Victory or Bolshevism?” (which was posted on July 8, 2008) that you wrote about the public art walkway that I originally painted in 1981. I just became aware of recent articles regarding the decision by the SBU Student Government to repaint the “Red-Hot Zebra Path” back to its original colors. I like your comments about the red color that was painted over my original design. I understand that the title “Zebra Path” is politically incorrect for the “interest of the zoological society.” The reporters adopted that name after they saw my art work and it sort of stuck after that. I wrote a correction to the comments for the AAEZINE organization to explain that the Zebra Path was originally intended to reflect my artistic vision of the simple black and white yin and yang theory; but everyone called it the Zebra Path because that was what they saw. Please contact Ja Young at AAEZINE to read the editorial comments by me. It should be published on March 7^th. If you are on Facebook, I posted some original black and white photos on the SB group site. I also visited the campus last summer to see the red candy-cane lane for myself. I wanted to secretly repaint it during the July 4^th weekend to surprise everyone when they returned to school, but I didn’t have time. I had to return to ERAU, an aeronautical university in Daytona Beach, Florida where I currently teach English courses to international students. I added a funny story about the controversy in my reading and writing class. We were reading a story about the effects of public art in the United States. I showed both photos of the red and white versus the black and white walkway to my students. They wrote their opinions and critical analysis about the colors not knowing that I was the artist. They had the same opinions as most of the students on campus.

I hope they repaint the walkway back to my original colors with clear, sharp lines. I don’t mind if the Alumni office or the SBU Student Government changes the title of the plaque to give the walkway a politically correct name. In fact, it would be interesting if they give this idea to all the students on campus as a vote for a new name for the walkway. I can’t think of a better way to engage everyone in this process. It keeps public art alive on campus. I would like to see this as part of the repainting process. I would also love to return to SB when it is repainted and/or renamed with my permission. I can get a direct flight on Southwest Airlines from Orlando to Long Island from Friday to Sunday. What do you think about that idea? If you have any comments for me, you can reach me at kimhardiman@gmail.com or my office phone number 386-226-6174.

Regards,

Kim Hardiman, English Professor

ERAU – ERLI

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Professor Hardiman:

Thanks for responding to my article. I actually graduated right before that was published and kind of forgot about the whole issue. It’s kind of funny to see that they’ve kept it red this whole time, after saying it was just a temporary thing.

I’m sure the school would be glad to have you on hand for whatever they decide to do with it. But to be frank, I think what’s called for now is vigilante justice. Revolutionary style. If it’s taken this long for the student government to recommend that it be restored, who knows how long it could take for the administration to get around to it? And they’re just going to send a crew of people whose goal is to get it done fast, not to lay down the crisp lines you originally envisioned.

No, the only thing to do is go back to your July 4th plan and pull a switcheroo while they’re not looking for several hours. I thought about it myself while I was there (albeit with duct tape, not paint) but never pulled it off. The people are behind you. All power to the public artists!

Very truly yours,

Alex Walsh

]]> http://sbpress.com/2010/03/a-letter-from-professor-hardiman/feed/ 0 http://sbpress.com/2009/10/letter-someone-enjoys-reading-us/ http://sbpress.com/2009/10/letter-someone-enjoys-reading-us/#comments Tue, 20 Oct 2009 22:39:56 +0000 The Stony Brook Press http://www.thestonybrookpress.com/?p=2097 Hello,

My name is Judit Vall and I am a visiting PhD researcher at Stony Brook. I arrived two weeks ago from Spain and I am going to be here for six months.

I read The Stony Brook Press of September 30th and I found it very interesting. Since I’ve arrived here almost everything looked to me like very “American” (as compared to Europe, I mean) but the discussion about the Health Care Reform in your newspaper was the first thing that I thought could have been done (in this case written) in Europe.

I have lived in several European countries during my studies and I have a couple of points to make particularly to the person that was talking about the values, Tim Paules, and Raina Bedford.

I wanted to ask you whether I could pass by your office one of these days to have a short talk with you about my impressions.

Thanks a lot and congratulations for this very interesting newspaper, you have just captured another fan

Best,

Judit Vall Castello
Marie Curie Research Fellow
Maastricht Graduate School of Governance
P.O. Box 616
6200 MD  Maastricht
The Netherlands
Visiting PhD Research Fellow at SUNY-Stony Brook, New York, from 01/09/2009 until 15/03/2010

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Hey Judit,

Thanks for your kind words. It’s always reassuring to know that people out there are reading and enjoying our socialist propaganda. We always welcome and appreciate input, but we really only listen to it when it’s positive. Come visit us at our office. Basement of the Student Union, room 060. We have weekly staff meetings at 1pm every Wednesday, but you can usually find somebody sleeping on the couch during the week.

In the meantime, we hope you’ll continue to read us as we push our socialist agenda and plot the destruction of America.

best,

The Press

-Ralph Wiggim

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Dearest Ralph Wiggim,

Animosity between the Patriot and Press dates back thousands of centuries. It all began in the Before Time, an epoch of molten rock, dino-fuck, and curdling cheese. The twin founders of the Press and Patriot, Bob and Mitch, split from the herpetic sore of the great titan Chronos in the cosmos. Bob, the patron saint of the Press, was a stock broker who in his spare time hunted sea elephants. Mitch enjoyed frying turds. One fine Sunday morning in 1986, the twins gathered to build a tree fort. Mitch, an ardent supporter of William Howard Taft, believed only in the Muslim doctrine of cardboard tree forts. Bob’s Scientology background prevented such use of cardboard. A disagreement broke out. In the ensuing “tongue kissing” war, Bob and Mitch suffered lacerated livers. Both were sure they would die. However, a miracle occurred, a miracle that members of Stony Brook University still refer to today as “The Great Rape of ’88.”

Though it occurred in 1994 and not 1988, the assonance was too temping to pass up. A great comet fell from the broiling ether. In it came a black man named Barry Sanders, not to be confused with NFL great Barry Sanders. He was a surgeon, famed throughout Jupiter as a liver repairman/rapist. Rape is actually legal on gaseous planets. Barry Sanders came with a message. He boomed over the land:

Young Bob, Young Mitch, you both are ugly and stupid. Do something useful with your time. And I don’t mean masturbating. Write….

“Write what?” Bob ejaculated.

“Yes, please tell us,” Mitch ejaculated.

STOP EJACULATING AND LISTEN! You, Bob, are an anti-social fetus-head. You look like a fetus. You will never get laid. And you, Mitch, are an uptight, cock-gobbling, sociopath. No one likes you or the pogs you play with. Each of you must found a newspaper. In it you will write many scribble-scrabbles. Some people will read them. Eventually you will both make newspapers that will hate each other because you are both insecure, lazy, fuck-ups. I hate you all and I hope your deaths are painful. Good night.

Bob and Mitch sat beneath a tree and understood their destinies. Bob ran to a gas station to print the first issue of the Press on beaver hide. Mitch ran to the nearest toxic waste dump to turn a glowing blue shard of feces into the first issue of the Patriot. Both newspapers were commercial failures. In time, as the newspapers became legible, tensions grew. Bob and Mitch liked different hamburger condiments. They tried to sepukku each other. The twins finally succumbed to colon cancer in early 2004. Since then, their remains have rotted beneath the great Math Tower.

So you see, the answer to your question is simple. The Press and Patriot hate each other because of history. We’re glad to have helped you.

-The Press

After reading your article last week on Obama and McCain’s policies towards gays and lesbians I was surprised to see that you never mentioned Ralph Nader as a candidate or any of his policies toward the gay community.  As a gay independent who is still unsure about whom I am voting for, I would appreciate if you could discuss his policies so I have a full picture of the policies of all three candidates.   Thanks so much.

Sincerely,
Still Straddling the Fence

Dear Still Straddling,

I appreciate your concern that I did not look at all the candidate’s policies.  I agree with you that in order to give voters the full picture of all the candidates, one must start by including all the candidates and their policies regarding all issues, but in this case issues that directly affect the gay community.  After doing a little research I am now able to provide you with the facts behind Nader’s policies.  Nader, like Obama, supports equal rights for gays and lesbians as well as equal rights for same-sex couples.  Furthermore, Nader opposes a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage and same-sex unions and believes that same-sex unions are a step in the right direction, but are only a starting point because they do not actually afford same-sex couples all the rights that marriage does.  Moreover, Nader believes that everyone should have equal protection under the law regardless of their sexual orientation and says that, “the only way to ensure full equal rights is to recognize same-sex marriage.”  I personally believe that Nader’s policies regarding the gay and lesbian community are positive, but as we all know it is highly unlikely that a third party candidate will be elected. It is in my opinion that anyone who believes in Nader’s policies should vote for Obama rather than McCain, or just vote for Nader himself.  Hope that clears things up.

Sincerely,
Ilyssa Fuchs
(Special thanks to www.votenader.org for the information obtained for this article)