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Earlier this month, Stony Brook announced plans to cut and condense several of their Humanities programs. We asked distinguished writers—professionals who have dedicated their lives to voicing thought—to weigh in on Stony Brook’s decision. They are poets, novelists, journalists, or a combination of both. Among them are two Pulitzer prizes, three Whiting Awards, three Guggenheim fellowships, and several other prestigious awards. Here’s what they had to say: “The future of this country is Latinx; for Stony Brook to cut these programs speaks to a profound shortsightedness and a cruel indifference to the communities the university purports to serve. Only someone with no knowledge of the past, present or future would consider these programs dispensable. And it is at precisely times like these, when Latinx communities everywhere in the nation are under attack by xenophobic politicians and nativist punks, that universities like Stony Brook should be championing the genius and centrality of…

Good intentions pave the way for a cigarette-littered path. Does Stony Brook want less smokers? Obviously it’s just healthier, but banning them outright is just fucking dumb. It’s dumb because it doesn’t work, not every smoker will quit just because it’s a tiny bit inconvenient. Actually, it’s not inconvenient for the smoker, it’s inconvenient for the janitors who pick them up, the squirrels who eat them, and even the non-smokers who have to step over them. The smokers just dump the butt on the ground, rather than dumping it in the trays that used to be on campus. Banning smoking may have sounded good on paper, but it falls apart in practice. Once the initial plan was put in place a few people may have quit smoking, but for the most part it got worse because the smokers just lost the one place where they could dump out their butts.…

Ah, to be a freshman again. To walk past the condom wrapper-infested Roth Pond with a lanyard jingling and jangling in the wind, clutching at backpack straps while running toward Javits for a godforsaken 8 a.m. physics lecture; to pay $6.59 for 3 greasy chicken nuggets and the surprise of discovering the nugget is made entirely out of fried batter; to explore the library’s DVD section and wonder why the university has, not one, but three different seasons of Pimp My Ride available for rent. It takes a few weeks for the workload and the reality of the soul-crushing debt to sink in. Most find solace in alcohol and other illicit activities. Stony does its best to wear you down; the drab architecture, the empty campus on weekends, the layer of geese excrement covering every blade of grass within 5 miles of the Student Activities Center. Even the buildings look…

Do you want to drink shitty, cheap liquor, but only the best shitty, cheap liquor?  Well The Press is putting their collective livers where their mouths are. This month, we chugged Fleischmann’s Whiskey, a sizzling amber hard liquor that comes in an appropriately cheap looking plastic bottle. The price isn’t a burden. It’s 10-20 dollars depending on the size. A few shots and our minds started caving in, as the night ended with us watching Japanese wrestling and Pierce Brosnan’s singing in Mamma Mia. First Shot: “I felt my insides shake and quiver a tad.” “It tastes like hand sanitizer. Not like good hand sanitizer, like shittier CVS hand sanitizer” “Someone punched down my throat, grinded up my guts, and then took the fist out. After that, I felt amazing.” Second Shot: “The burn lasted longer than I can remember, but not as good.” “When the whiskey hit…