Ah, to be a freshman again. To walk past the condom wrapper-infested Roth Pond with a lanyard jingling and jangling in the wind, clutching at backpack straps while running toward Javits for a godforsaken 8 a.m. physics lecture; to pay $6.59 for 3 greasy chicken nuggets and the surprise of discovering the nugget is made entirely out of fried batter; to explore the library’s DVD section and wonder why the university has, not one, but three different seasons of Pimp My Ride available for rent.

It takes a few weeks for the workload and the reality of the soul-crushing debt to sink in. Most find solace in alcohol and other illicit activities.

Stony does its best to wear you down; the drab architecture, the empty campus on weekends, the layer of geese excrement covering every blade of grass within 5 miles of the Student Activities Center.

Even the buildings look depressed. But don’t you worry your little baby sized freshman heads, because The Press has  got  your backs. Want to know how to fix your scheduling mistakes this semester? How about which whiskey will burn a hole in your liver the fastest? Or what if you’re one of those Pokemon nerds who likes walking around and getting exercise? We’ll tell you the best places to catch those pokemonsters that you youngins are so interested in these days.

By now you might have figured out that the Press is one of the better things about Stony Brook. We’ll help you find the good, and we’ll sure as hell complain about the bad.

Keep an eye out on the stands this year, what you’re reading is just a mini issue, we’ve got an entire trainload of content heading straight towards your head gunk.

And try to enjoy the beginning of your time here, new seawolves. Do your best to look far beyond the overpriced food and the condom pond. Pretty soon, you’ll be just as cynical as the rest of us.