So, let’s rap. I work hard and a nice cup of Lemonade Cookie Frappuccino is all I want. But now the holiday cup is only red, and I’m okay with that. Really, I am. I’m completely fine with it. Although I can understand why they did it, Starbucks forgot about the children. Their pure and little brains can’t comprehend why the snowflakes and pine trees are no longer on daddy’s red cup.

“Where’s Santa?” my precious gift from above asked me when she saw my plain, red cup.

“Why’s Starbucks killing Jesus?” asks my cute little accident.

Good questions. Jesus was the man, and we need to respect him with a proper image of Christmas. We need trees in our homes; a big, red Norwegian guy coming down our chimneys and a coffee cup that displays our beliefs. Starbucks is killing Christ, and, although I may understand the context, my kids should not be exposed to this.     

I was speaking to my neighbor about this, and he mentioned the sacrilege Starbucks is committing. Apparently, putting a pine tree into your home was a religious symbol of preserving life, something that Starbucks should also take into consideration. Does this mean they don’t want to preserve life? Do they want to kill my kids? Removing the pine trees literally means they’re against life, and I’m pro-life.

Starbucks screwed up. They should just admit this and bring back the tasteful decorations that make my kids so happy. How do I know that they love it? Because every time the holiday season comes around, they get happier and happier. What else could attribute to this joyous phenomenon other than my Christmas coffee cup?

Starbucks took away the fun from our lives and we have to hold them accountable. From now on, I’m bringing my own cup whenever I order a Chocolate Caramel Pretzel Frappuccino. And they can forget about the tip.