As thousands of Los Angeles residents were left without power on Tuesday night, they all felt an odd urge to step outside their homes and look towards the sky. Their eyes widened, their jaws dropped, and their minds could not comprehend the sight above their heads.
“I can’t explain it,” said one observer who was too dumbfounded to even remember his own name. “I’ve never seen anything like them.”
Astronomers reported that what everyone saw that night was nothing more than a couple of stars, but no one believed them.
“I’ve seen a couple of stars,” said Arnold Schwarzenegger, former Governor of California. “I’ve seen Brad Pitt with Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt with Jennifer Aniston, and I have even seen Brad Pitt with Gwyneth Paltrow. They were shining, but not like those things. What’s going on?”
Speculations on what was above Los Angeles on Tuesday has already flooded several internet message boards and sparked thousands of Youtube fan-theory videos. These theories range from Transformers finally arriving to God getting lost as he searched the Earth for Ted Cruz to stop him from running for presidency.
The top theory seems to involve aliens kicking out Blink 182’s Tom DeLonge from their spacecraft because he was the biggest annoyance they have ever come across. The Stony Brook Press of Stony Brook University seems to have more on this theory.
“They were just stars,” astronomers repeated.