Wizard Khalifa had just finished his set at Stony Brook and I waited in his van for him to arrive so I could interview him. He entered the van and took a defensive position, not expecting me. I showed him my credentials using my psychic paper and he took out a large paper plane, about the size of my forearm. I took a few large hits from the massive paper plane and the room started waving about while the color orange started dripping from the roof onto my tongue. It tasted remarkably like yellow. I asked him what that joint was laced with but all he said was, “We gon’ party now.” Confetti snakes swam out of his mouth after he spoke.

I wasn’t aware the van was driving us anywhere but we arrived in what I believe was Manhattan where the street was neon blue and there were dolphins swimming in the pavement. I looked up at the sky to try and figure out what time it was and a giant, blinking eye looked at me. The iris and pupil were a clock and a comic book speech bubble came out of the eye to tell me it was midnight. It turns out the cosmic eye was wrong though as the gnome eating a dolphin told me it was actually, “Banana, just like the fruit. Open your mind and consume the flesh of the dolphin. Let the colors of fate bleed into your soul and paint the canvas of your life.” Wizard pushed the gnome away and dragged me into a whale’s mouth.

Inside the whale, there were nebulae floating in the air while snakes with multiple tentacles jumped through the clouds. The Pillars of Creation were on a stage and glowed orange. The color slipped through my nose and it smelled like lilies. Wizard floated onto the stage and pulled me up with him. The ghosts of my ancestors stood before me and took my shoes. I loved those shoes. Wizard grabbed my arm again and we flew back into his van, which transformed into a porcupine that had hair instead of quills. I sat on the porcupine’s liver and its lungs breathed to the tune of “C.R.E.A.M.” by the Wu Tang Clan.

The porcupine crawled through a giant green pipe and we entered a forest with trees made of glowing screens projecting images of my ex-girlfriends and the formulas for various vector fields. Wizard produced a guitar made of dried and hollow pineapples and played a beautiful melody. The music hopped off of the strings and crawled into my ears. I could feel my head filling and all the hatred I had kept inside of me poured viciously out from beneath my finger nails. Wizard pulled on me once and we flew outside of the porcupine into the wild unknown.

Jagged rocks stabbed out from the gelatinous Earth and we bounced about on the surface, being careful to avoid the rocks. We stopped to observe a road moving down a hill like a solid waterfall. The porcupine had abandoned us to be one with its kin and so we bounced to the nearest trading post. The trading post was run by a giant slug with a human’s face. It told me the dangers of gluttony and I traded it my shirt for this knowledge. A robotic man approached Wizard and I and spoke these words, “The pursuit of knowledge is the pursuit of truth. Do not waver in the struggle of conquering the ignorance of your minds. Death is but the return of your being to the Earth. Now give me your pants.” I took off my pants and a gust of wind carried Wizard and I into a giant bosom.

The bosom opened and there was a river of milk flowing with groups of fish dressed like scuba divers walking around while various Batman costumed rainbow beings danced around poles that flashed the words, “TO THINK IS TO STEAL THOUGHT. KNOWLEDGE COMES FROM YOUR HOLY BOOK.” I could feel myself sweating my thoughts away as the Adam West-era rainbow started dancing upon me. I grabbed for the words “UNIVERSAL TRUTH” as they slid down my leg but couldn’t reach them. Satchmo’s “La Vie En Rose,”  started dripping from my ears and I cupped my ears to hear the liquid vibrate as best I could. The rainbow dancing upon me vaporized and roses sprouted around me, vibrating to the drum of the universe.

The rhythmic pounding continued as the liquid of Satchmo evaporated. The petals of the roses withered into a green, ethereal mist that lingered about my feet and lifted me from that poisonous place into a dreamy, hazy environment. I looked at my feet and saw that my socks were now missing but they felt so free that I didn’t mind. Everything was a blur and I could feel like pain in my side now. A consistent pounding on my rib until I finally gasped for air and opened my eyes.

I then woke up in an alley clutching a bald and naked doll. I was only wearing boxers and socks while a police officer prodded me with his night stick. I told him I arrived here on a spirit quest, to which he replied, “You took a spirit quest and ended up half-naked in Hoboken, New Jersey?” His logic was flawless – I had been drugged. While I may have been drugged and spent some time in jail until someone could identify me, I will never forget my night with the Wizard. #YOLO

Wizard Khalifa had just finished his set at Stony Brook and I waited in his van for him to arrive so I could interview him. He entered the van and took a defensive position, not expecting me. I showed him my credentials using my psychic paper and he took out a large paper plane, about the size of my forearm. I took a few large hits from the massive paper plane and the room started waving about while the color orange started dripping from the roof onto my tongue. It tasted remarkably like yellow. I asked him what that joint was laced with but all he said was, “We gon’ party now.” Confetti snakes swam out of his mouth after he spoke.

I wasn’t aware the van was driving us anywhere but we arrived in what I believe was Manhattan where the street was neon blue and there were dolphins swimming in the pavement. I looked up at the sky to try and figure out what time it was and a giant, blinking eye looked at me. The iris and pupil were a clock and a comic book speech bubble came out of the eye to tell me it was midnight. It turns out the cosmic eye was wrong though as the gnome eating a dolphin told me it was actually, “Banana, just like the fruit. Open your mind and consume the flesh of the dolphin. Let the colors of fate bleed into your soul and paint the canvas of your life.” Wizard pushed the gnome away and dragged me into a whale’s mouth.

Inside the whale, there were nebulae floating in the air while snakes with multiple tentacles jumped through the clouds. The Pillars of Creation were on a stage and glowed orange. The color slipped through my nose and it smelled like lilies. Wizard floated onto the stage and pulled me up with him. The ghosts of my ancestors stood before me and took my shoes. I loved those shoes. Wizard grabbed my arm again and we flew back into his van, which transformed into a porcupine that had hair instead of quills. I sat on the porcupine’s liver and its lungs breathed to the tune of “C.R.E.A.M.” by the Wu Tang Clan.

The porcupine crawled through a giant green pipe and we entered a forest with trees made of glowing screens projecting images of my ex-girlfriends and the formulas for various vector fields. Wizard produced a guitar made of dried and hollow pineapples and played a beautiful melody. The music hopped off of the strings and crawled into my ears. I could feel my head filling and all the hatred I had kept inside of me poured viciously out from beneath my finger nails. Wizard pulled on me once and we flew outside of the porcupine into the wild unknown.

Jagged rocks stabbed out from the gelatinous Earth and we bounced about on the surface, being careful to avoid the rocks. We stopped to observe a road moving down a hill like a solid waterfall. The porcupine had abandoned us to be one with its kin and so we bounced to the nearest trading post. The trading post was run by a giant slug with a human’s face. It told me the dangers of gluttony and I traded it my shirt for this knowledge. A robotic man approached Wizard and I and spoke these words, “The pursuit of knowledge is the pursuit of truth. Do not waver in the struggle of conquering the ignorance of your minds. Death is but the return of your being to the Earth. Now give me your pants.” I took off my pants and a gust of wind carried Wizard and I into a giant bosom.

The bosom opened and there was a river of milk flowing with groups of fish dressed like scuba divers walking around while various Batman costumed rainbow beings danced around poles that flashed the words, “TO THINK IS TO STEAL THOUGHT. KNOWLEDGE COMES FROM YOUR HOLY BOOK.” I could feel myself sweating my thoughts away as the Adam West-era rainbow started dancing upon me. I grabbed for the words “UNIVERSAL TRUTH” as they slid down my leg but couldn’t reach them. Satchmo’s “La Vie En Rose,”  started dripping from my ears and I cupped my ears to hear the liquid vibrate as best I could. The rainbow dancing upon me vaporized and roses sprouted around me, vibrating to the drum of the universe.

The rhythmic pounding continued as the liquid of Satchmo evaporated. The petals of the roses withered into a green, ethereal mist that lingered about my feet and lifted me from that poisonous place into a dreamy, hazy environment. I looked at my feet and saw that my socks were now missing but they felt so free that I didn’t mind. Everything was a blur and I could feel like pain in my side now. A consistent pounding on my rib until I finally gasped for air and opened my eyes.

I then woke up in an alley clutching a bald and naked doll. I was only wearing boxers and socks while a police officer prodded me with his night stick. I told him I arrived here on a spirit quest, to which he replied, “You took a spirit quest and ended up half-naked in Hoboken, New Jersey?” His logic was flawless – I had been drugged. While I may have been drugged and spent some time in jail until someone could identify me, I will never forget my night with the Wizard. #YOLO