Seasons’ newest album, Spring, is here and Stony Brook students are digging it more than Rick Santorum is digging his own political grave. If this is your first time learning about seasons and you chose to read the Stony Brook Press of all publications, then I’d like to formally welcome you to the planet Earth and congratulate your species on its spaceflight capabilities. If you have learned of seasons prior to reading this article, you’ll notice that the Earth has increased its tilt toward the Sun and thus, the weather has become more pleasant for our hairless bodies. (Unless you’re in the southern hemisphere, in which case, have fun getting cold!)
Spring, otherwise known as the time to get jiggy with it for most animals, has already delivered some Class A sunbeams our way. If you walk out to the Staller Steps, you can see a large group of high school students skipping class like the hardcore rebels they are, and college students not majoring in any physical science, mathematics or engineering, sitting on the grass or kicking a ball around. Sometimes you’ll even see some gnarly tricks by a skateboarder! If you didn’t see the sweet moves, don’t worry—their friends filmed it.
Temperature increases can mean only one thing. Well, it can mean several things, but it means only one of those things: legging shorts. Do those exist? As any woman attending Stony Brook knows, leggings can be worn as pants. So now that the temperature is warmer, the next logical step would be to wear legging shorts. And what will happen to those black bubble jackets now that it’s warmer? Hopefully they’ll all be put inside of a rocket and launched directly into the Sun.
Sun worship is back and in full swing. You’ll find many people lying on the grass, offering their pale bodies to the disinterested star. Melanocytes are going to be working overtime for a few months so make sure you lather on some tanning lotion. It’s getting hotter, so now when someone asks you, “How’s the weather?” you can answer assuredly, “four out of five based on prior weather conditions.”
Daniel Cashmar
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