The United States has opened another front on their war against crazy people in the Middle East. Instead of lasting for years, this one will be over in a few days and only set us back 100 million dollars.
With President Obama’s decision to bomb Libya came peace protests across the country and a wave of criticism from the same right-wingers who opposed his decision to put more troops into and pull troops out of Afghanistan.
At least we know why we’re there this time around. No one has to ask Colin Powell to conjure any WMDs. It’s because of Qaddafi. Or Gaddafi. Maybe Kadafi? What about Khaddafi…?
No matter how it’s actually spelled, we know who they’re talking about. It’s that guy who likes to kill his own people, rant to the UN, have affairs with Ukrainian nurses, sleep in tents and, last but not least, dress like Cruella De Vil.
After Qaddafi starting going nuts, the UN decided to impose a no-fly zone over Libya. Countries that would normally oppose a UN offensive simply abstained.
Instead of playing peacemaker like they usually do, the allied forces (The United States and Europe, mostly) dropped bombs on strategic locations, hoping to cripple Qaddafi’s air defenses.
Being the class act that he is, Qaddafi rushed to come up with as many evil dictator cliches as humanly possible.
First, he ran to his giant concrete compound and surrounded himself with as many women and children as possible. Then he teased members of the media who he so graciously invited into his compound that any attempts to bomb him could also kill –– you guessed it! –– innocent women and children.
He also thought it would be fun to threaten the West with a long, drawn out war. This is coming from a man who was kicked out of his own tent by Donald Trump. Once he learns how to deal with Trump, then he can start thinking about a fight with the Western world.
Not to mention, the UN is attempting to institute a no-fly zone. After a few days of intense bombing, there won’t be much to worry about.
Qaddafi’s last hope lies with the billions of dollars he supposedly hid within the walls of Tripoli. With that kind of money, he could buy enough weapons and pay enough soldiers to stay in power until he dies.
Or he could hire a new Ukrainian nurse. With all of the violence in and around Tripoli, she was tragically forced to leave Qaddafi’s mentally unstable fur-covered side.