Tripoli – Despite a massive uprising emanating from Libyan citizens, Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi still maintains that he has one secret weapon, that he believes is guaranteed to endear him to his people: Ebonics.
“I was watching American television, the BET, the Three 6 Mafia, and I couldn’t understand a word they were saying,“ said Gaddafi, “and I call my son, and he says, this shit is tight.”
Ebonics, the dialect alternatively known as “African American Vernacular English” or “Jive”, is generally known for housing the longest suffix in the English vernacular, -izzle.
Linguist Paul R. Frommer, Communications professor at the University of Southern California, also speaks of the merits of speaking in Ebonics. “Speaking in Ebonics has been proven to make you 52% hipper to a younger audience,” he said, “it can also make the speaker appear up to ten years younger and hipper.”
Later, speaking on Libyan television, Qwaddafi could be seen referring to President Obama as his ”homeboy” and Secretary of the State Hillary Clinton as his “down bitch”.
Ghaddafi has implemented this strategy, in conjunction with other policies designed to increase mass appeal. For example, he has recently enacted the Funky Fresh Initiative, which served no legitimate purpose, but had a catchy name.
So far, interviews with protesters have shown a huge appreciation for Ghadaffi’s attempt to appeal to alienated Libyans. “Oh yes,” says one protester, “I definitely feel like I can relate to this cool new Gahdafi. It’s fresh. It definitely gives him a new edge.”
“Oh, totally,” agrees another, “also, he’s definitely channeling Lady Gaga with his clothing choices, which is something people can really relate to and enjoy. People like to see someone unafraid to be himself. Gahadaffi is showing his true colors, which is something people can appreciate.”
A third protester concurred, asserting that Gehaddafi’s new image was improving his relations with the public, stating, “OH GOD, I’M BLEEDING FROM THE STOMACH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEONE HELP ME.”
Humor has also been part of Gahdafitti’s repertoire of tactics. “It’s funny, Libya sort of sound like the labia,” he said, chuckling at his own joke, “perhaps we should have trade relations with Djibouti. It’s a good joke, yes? I make it myself.”
“Heeee,” he continued, “Tripoli also sounds like Nipple-li. Hahaha, can you dig it? You have shovel?”
After his shift in linguistics, Qedafffft’s approval rating skyrocketed, doubling to a near 8 percent approval rating.