More Than Meets the Eye

By Najib Aminy

Leaked information has revealed that General Motors’ plan to layoff 47,000 of its employees is just a cover up to begin the first phase of manufacturing a new line of Transformers.

Information has it that General Motors, in alliance with Daimer-Chrysler and Ford, have discovered an undisturbed All Spark that has been kept confidential until now. The All Spark is a gigantic metal cube with Cybertronian runes etched onto the surface that brings mechanical and electronic objects to life, ultimately creating Transformers. A source close to the research and development of this mysterious object said the cube was discovered in an undisclosed location and believes that this is to be the last existing cube on planet Earth.

Back in the summer of 2007, a war between two rivaling ethnic groups traveled from the planet Cybertron to Earth in hopes of securing the All Spark and eliminating each another. Although the Autobots accuse the Decepticons of intending to use the All Spark to continue their genocide against Autobots and take over the universe, a Decepticons public relations official denied the allegations. “The Decepticons would like to use the All Spark for alternative energy and work towards making the universe greener,” said Alfred Hitchens. “The media is taking the side of a party led by a diesel-fueled truck, our intentions are for the future of our children.”

It is unclear as to what role the Decepticons will play in the production of American made Transformers, but industry insiders speculate that a deal is in the works between the Japanese car industry and the Decepticons. Both Honda and Toyota are believed to have come up with an alternative source of creating and manufacturing Transformers but have declined to comment. “We can neither confirm nor deny that Toyota is dealing with such sources of energy,” said Yoshi Takinawa, an official from Toyota.

Regardless, GM has asked for an additional $14 billion and intends on closing five more plants in North America. George Cumberland, a scientist from the Witwicky Center for Scientific Research and Robotics, said that the All Spark has the ability to power 10,000 suns at 1 percent of the energy. “With that kind of power, you wouldn’t need human hands to build or assemble anything,” Cumberland said. “The only problem is transferring the power from the All Spark into something that is compatible with our technology. That can take up to a couple of months at least.”

Yet the source familiar with the situation believes that car enthusiasts can expect to see American Transformers prototypes later this summer and in car expos sometime after that.