By Alex H. Nagler

On Saturday October 11, the Stony Brook Seawolves took on their first division rival in Liberty University. Liberty, the defending Big South champion, having been favored to win again this year, returned to their home field with a 5-0 season. Stony Brook ventured south for the first time in hopes of stopping their 1-5 season skid.

Sadly for the Seawolves, this game would be as disastrous for them as their previous five games had been, falling to the Flames 33-0. Stony Brook was outrushed, 91 yards to 299, were penalized nearly twice as many yards, 95 to 55, and failed dismally at converting on the third down. Bested by all measures, the Seawolves were held scoreless for the first time this season, falling to 1-6 and 0-1 for conference play and elevating the Flames to 6-0 and 2-0 for conference battles. Seawolves freshman running back Edwin Gowins (Bellport, NY) ran for 55 yards, with quarterback Dayne Hoffman (Ada, Michigan) passing for 142 yards.

Give me liberty or give me loss!

Give me liberty or give me loss!

Even more depressing than the loss was the fact that it was to Liberty University. Liberty is the brainchild of the Reverend Jerry Falwell, father of the Moral Majority, and staunch opponent of secular public schooling. Falwell was also instrumental in expanding the rights and protections afforded to newspapers regarding parodies of public figure in the landmark case Hustler Magazine v. Falwell.

Among his more notable quotations are “AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals, it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals,” “I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say ‘you helped this [the attacks of September 11] happen,” and “Labor unions should study and read the Bible instead of asking for more money. When people get right with God, they are better workers.”

But these quotes are not the most frightening part of the Seawolves loss. The real fear is in the numbers. The Seawolves are now 1-5 having played six games. Through the past 15 quarters, they have gone without an offensive touchdown. Over these six games, they have been outscored 177-85, yielding an average difference of 15 points per game. One plus five games, one plus five quarters, one plus five points. Six six six. In their loss to Liberty, the Seawolves have brought about the events that will lead to the reanimation of Jerry Falwell Any sightings of a Zombie Fallwell in the Lynchburg, Virginia area on Halloween may not be costumes.

So, Seawolves, you’re 1-6 going into Homecoming. Cheer up. Next week you play at home in front of your biggest crowd of the year, who’ll be cheering for you regardless of how you play, even if it is just the alcohol talking. At least our biology department doesn’t believe that “there is now mounting evidence that man and dinosaurs did indeed live on earth at the same time.” Always remember: We’re a real school. They’re not.